Saturday, April 18, 2009

I just took a little trip down memory lane in order to ground myself.  Long story short--I am feeling like we are going nowhere again.  It just seems like we have been at the same thing for soooo long.  I was talking to a man who experienced a similar injury eight years ago and he said that you really have to look back to see how far you have come.  If you just live in the moment, it seems like you haven't moved forward at all.  

So . . . I just looked over all of my pictures and can clearly see that my wound has gotten much smaller, I am no longer bound by the external fixator (I almost had forgotten that thing!), my facial coloring looks more life-like, and I know that I have much more energy than I had in the beginning (or even a month ago).  

People always ask, "How are you doing?"  I'll say, "Great!"--but its not great.  I am still taking killer antibiotics, have an open wound, and have no idea if my bone is even alive.  But I can't say, "Oh, I am not so good . . ." because I am really doing great!  I have come so far!  I actually feel like a person now and I can sort of get around more!  

Yes--we really have come a long way over the last 13 weeks.  Nevertheless, it still seems slow.

My girls really seem to be fearful of the next "bad thing" that might happen to our family.  There have been two times this week where the girls have been in absolute hysterics because they were afraid that one of us was hurt.  Just tonight, the girls and I came home and Doug was not here.  We tried calling his cell phone but it went straight to voice mail.  For the next 45 minutes, both girls were screaming, praying, crying--absolutely convinced that he was dead or had been in an accident.  When his headlights beamed against the window, they both jumped up like a true miracle had just occurred.  They are really fried . . . 

Dr. Carbonell officially signed my paperwork to keep me on disability through the end of the school year.  It is hard to believe that I will have missed 4 1/2 months of school by the end of May.  Sad to me.  Even though I should be at home doing nothing, I am very busy putting together our annual Art Fair.  I may be down but I am certainly not "out for the count!" 

On a happier note (this is a pretty depressing entry!), life behind the wheel has been wonderful.  I can not tell you how amazing it is to be able to drive to my own doctor's appointments and to  pick up my kids from school.  The most exciting part is figuring out the location of handicapped parking spaces, and discovering the electric scooters at the grocery stores.  I just love using my walker to get into Winn Dixie, and then actually having the right to take one of those little drivable carts and zoom around the store!  

Anyway--please say a prayer for our family.  We are all in a state of "alert" waiting for the next shoe to drop.  We need to be able to just chill out and figure out how to take this in stride.  

Love to you all--

Anne

P.S.  Speaking of unexpected disasters, Doug went to school today only to realize that his 250 gallon fish tank had cracked over the weekend.  Of course, it flooded half of the library, a conference room, a classroom, and 12 computer desks.  We now have some very stunned fish in a bucket outside our door.  Anyone looking for a sucker fish???