Saturday, April 11, 2009

I have been thinking all night about some pictures that I found on Doug's iphone last night.  No--nothing that would break up a marriage . . . Rather, they were pictures that gave me insight into what Doug has been going through since my fall.  

So many people who have been through similar hardships have warned us about the emotional toll a long recovery can take on the primary caregiver.  While the one who is hurt (me) will often get a big "I am going to beat this thing" rush of adrenalin that will carry them through some dark times--the caregiver (my dear Douglas) is left to keep the family's "normal" life moving forward.  They usually have to stuff their feelings of worry and fear down pretty deep just to keep their heads above water.  

When I look at Doug's pictures, I see that he has spent many, many hours taking care of me when things weren't looking too good.  He has probably heard a lot of scary words from doctors that he has or hasn't passed on to me. He has had to encourage our kids to believe that I will get better.  AND he has had to do this while going to soccer games, being the lone parent at school

 musicals, teaching weekly lessons to his 450 students, caring for a cranky new bird, making meals, cleaning the house, and much, much more.  All of this is very stressful.

These pictures make me more aware than ever that he has been so faithful to me and to our kids.  The fact that he is feeling a little wear and tear from this experience makes all the sense in the world.  

My healing is nowhere close to being over. My biggest prayer is that we can roll with the bumps that will come along the way and remember that we are in God's hands.  There is nothing that we have to "freak" out about, or see as a sign of impending doom.  These pictures show me that God has been with us through some very dark times, and he will continue to be with us to the very end.