Tuesday, August 18, 2009

Well, I guess I have to admit that I have been ignoring you a little. I have just been in a mental place for a bit where I would just like to be in denial of that thing on the end of my right leg. I think, "Can anyone stand to read one more entry about this wound that will never heal?" I know that's what I have been feeling myself. Will I ever get to be just "Anne" again? Or will I forever seen as "Anne & Ankle?"

Anyway--It has been one entire MONTH since my last confession--I mean, entry--and I am feeling the longing in my heart to bare my soul again a little.

When we last met, we were heading off to a Heetderks family reunion at the Spring Mill State Park near Indianapolis, Indiana. Doug's parents and siblings are all from Grand Rapids, MI, so they drove and we flew. Despite the fact that my boot tested positive for explosives while going through airport security, we had an easy flight and enjoyed travelling through these sweet little towns on our way to meet up with the family. My foot was feeling so good on this trip that I almost felt like I was faking an ankle injury. I was able to travel most distances without my scooter, and (when I concentrated really hard) thought that I looked kind of "normal."

When we returned, I got ready for my surgery. I had high hopes that the wound would finally be closed and I could start back to physical therapy by the time school started. Unfortunately, despite staying still in bed for nearly three days following the surgery, the staples once again popped back open--leaving me with a larger wound than before. Just to add insult to injury, the wound became infected again with this lovely green gook (check out Great Fall Wound Pics).

Now that I have been on two rounds of antibiotics, the infection seems to be cleared and we are making new plans.

1) We will start me back on the VAC (Vacuum-Assisted Closure) machine. Although I am not thrilled at the idea of having the tube hanging out of me again (everyone always thinks it is a catheter coming from my ankle), I am REALLY excited at the idea of letting my body heal on its own again. It just has become very obvious that my wound does not want to be squeezed shut with staples.

2) After some skin starts to grow again, we will try to get a few layers of Dermagraft put on the wound to help it along.

3) Once that takes hold, I will go to a plastic surgeon for some celebratory "cosmetic enhancement"--NO!--I will go to a plastic surgeon for skin grafting.

So . . . those plans should probably take us into the new year so we can celebrate the one year anniversary of my fall from the ladder! Yippee!

Ever since the surgery, it is very, very painful for me to put pressure on my foot. Nevertheless, I know that it is important for me to walk on it. So, I just use the scooter for long distances and "hoof it" for short trips to the toilet or around my classroom.

Speaking of classrooms . . . I AM PROUD TO SAY THAT I AM BACK AT WORK!

I can honestly say that I have thrown away all timelines for my foot and could really care less when it heals. As long as I can keep dragging my stubborn foot into work via my own power, chariot, lawn mower, roll-a-bout, walker, wheelchair, or office chair--I WILL BE THERE WITH BELLS ON! I love being back with the kids, planning lessons, dreaming up ideas, working with teachers, making plans, and feeling healthy!

So . . . for right now . . . ask me about my class. Ask me what I am teaching about. Ask me to tell you about some of my great, new students. But don't ask me about my ankle!!! :)

No--that's not true. I so appreciate everyone's prayers and concern for my family and me. We just need a little time to feel like our lives are not "hanging in the balance." Doug and the kids need to be able to feel that life is returning to normal--even if my ankle issues are not resolved yet. My ankle will heal in God's time. Talking about my ankle all the time just makes them feel like we still have such a long way to go. Even though I have said this a million times, we have no idea what the future holds and when things will feel complete again. What I do know is that we are solidly in God's hands and that I don't have to wait with baited breath for a positive end to this journey. It will come.

Let me tell you about some good things . . .

1) Dad is Alive. Dad had a major 7-hour surgery two weeks ago to clean out the spinal column of several of his vertebrae. When they were finished, they created a wire "cage" that will keep his vertebrate in place for the rest of his long life. Even when doped up on morphine, my Dad was busy listening to the family troubles of his nurses, complimenting the food service ladies on their flavorful jello, and inviting his doctors to go sailing when he was feeling better. So sweet. He is feeling a little guilty that his wound has already healed, and he has the strength to take long walks around the block. I say, "Thanks be to God!" :)

2) My girls are happy. Elise and Annika have officially entered the 3rd and 5th grades and are loving every minute of it!

3) The emus are clean. Doug just got a kiddie pool for his emus. Now just imagine seeing them with their legs straight up in the air when they want to get their backs wet. Too funny.

4) Rounded bottom shoes have somehow become a fashion trend. When they told me that I would eventually need to wear orthopedic shoes with a rounded sole, I was a little afraid. I was even more terrified when I actually looked at the styles available. U-G-L-Y! But guess what?!? Somehow, rounded bottom shoes are now being hailed as a great way to stay in shape! I am so encouraged to know that I just might have some slightly normal looking shoes to wear someday! (It is the little things that really count!)

Thanks to all of you who have written to see if I am still alive.

I am alive AND VERY WELL.

Love to you all,

Anne

Saturday, July 18, 2009

Surgery #7 . . . coming on up!

After getting my bandages unravelled at Wound Care the other day, we found that my ever-lovin' wound is still very happy with the pig intestine. The wound has really filled in. If my insurance company was willing to pay for Dermagraft (the human newborn foreskin stuff), we would start covering the whole wound with that to create a final top layer of skin. However, since they won't, Dr. Carbonell has decided to try to sew the whole thing shut during a short surgery. He will probably make some cuts on either side of the wound and then sew it together--once and for all--HOPEFULLY!

We have been planning to leave on Monday for Doug's family reunion in Indianapolis for one week. The last time I had a surgery and then left immediately on a trip--my whole face blew up from the antibiotics. Therefore, we decided to hold off on having the surgery until we get back. Just in time for school to start!

Speaking of school . . . Doug and I are getting into our usual July groove of endlessly researching possible teaching themes for the new school year. Doug, Annika, and our neighbor boys went to pick up some emus for Doug's barnyard. Between keeping athletic socks over the emus heads, trying to keep the six-foot animals from standing up in the car (after breaking through the duct tape holding their legs together!), and attempting to keep green, goopy poop from getting on every inch of Doug's upholstery, it was an interesting--and somewhat terrifying--ride. The boys next door are begging to come along when Doug has to pick up the next load of animals.

I was in the bathroom the other day when one of God's creatures--a cockroach--came creeping out from who knows where. I felt like it was coming out in broad daylight, just to emphasize the fact that I can't move fast enough in my current condition to stomp on him. He literally looked straight into my eyes and said, "Oh, yea, disabled lady . . . like you are going to catch me." Cocky little cockroach.

I did my best to use a roll of toilet paper to smash it while navigating on one foot around my scooter and the toilet. But, alas--he was too fast for me. Just when I thought I would have to surrender to that cocky bug, he decided to take refuge under one of the wheels of my scooter. With one easy push of my finger, I rolled right over that cockroach and killed him good. Score one for the disabled lady.

Love to you all!

Anne

Wednesday, July 8, 2009

Hey, Hey, my friends! Our family reunion in Marco is over, the suitcases have been unpacked, the pile of mail waiting for us has been processed, and we are back to our summer chores.

We had a wonderful time reconnecting with my brothers and their families. Once again, we were able to borrow a friend's condo in Marco Island for wonderful evening dinners, walks on the beach, and time to roll around with the cousins. Elise even got to come home to her 8th birthday celebration on 07/08/09. Very exciting.

Even though we were able to get away, that doesn't mean that I haven't had my regular dates with my good doctors! During my last two visits to Wound Care, we have all been encouraged at the progress being made using the Oasis (pig intenstine). The wound itself has actually grown larger because it is spreading out a little. However, as a result, the wound is not as deep and (as Dr. Carbonell said last week) my foot is starting to look like a foot (you can enjoy the current wound pics if you click on "Great Fall Wound Pics").

I have decided to throw out all timelines and just be happy when it is all over. I made a comment to one of my nurses that I have been hearing, "it should be closed within 4-6 weeks," for about 6 months now. She said, "Oh, that's just what we tell people otherwise they would be overwhelmed by the reality of how long it takes to close up a wound." I was like . . . oh!--would have been nice if someone had told me that 6 months ago!

So--truly--I think my wound might actually be healed in 4-6 weeks--really!

As for the bone . . . I have been waiting for the 6 month mark to have my final X-ray. At four months, the X-ray had shown that the talus bone was dying around the outside of the bone. However, Dr. Carbonell had said that if the bone was going to die completely, we would be able to tell on the 6 month X-ray. So . . . with fear and trepidation, I went to his office yesterday to get the news.

It was awesome to see the X-ray. It is so funny to see MY foot with all these screws and plates inside of it. I forget that I am walking around with half of Home Depot inside my foot! The good news is that the bone has not died any further than what we had seen at the 4-month point. This means that the blood supply has returned to the bone, and that the time in my bone-growth stimulator has been time well spent!

The not so great news is that the tibia is resting right on top of the talus without any cartilage to act as a cushion or lubricant. Dr. Carbonell thinks that I will probably be able to tolerate this for a year or two, but over time, the area will become very arthritic and painful. At that point, I would probably undergo an ankle fusion (a four-month process). Dr. Carbonell showed me how they would use two long screws to permanently fuse the tibia and talus so that the ankle is unable to bend. As this certainly is less than desirable--being able to walk is definitely something to celebrate!

On July 17, we will have been at this for 6 months. I feel like Doug, the girls, and I have slowly allowed ourselves to relax, breathe, and move out of "anticipating-the-next-disaster" mode. We don't really think about the fact that I wear a boot, cart around walkers, sit by the edge of the pool with a bag on my leg, or use the electric scooter at the grocery store. This is our new reality.

We will just keep rolling along with the progress as it comes.

Monday, June 29, 2009

Ham, bacon, pig latin, swine flu, pigs feet . . . there are many things that come from pigs. But for me, none of them are as awesome as pig intestine! When they took off my bandages last week, my wound looked really good. Now that I have a little bit of my own tissue covering up the metal, the pig intestine creates a "bridge" for my skin cells to grab onto.

So, now we are just going to put on a layer of Oasis (the official name of the pig) each week and pray that my skin keeps growing. We think, LORD WILLING, that my wound will finally be closed by August or September. It will be so sweet when that thing is finally closed.

I am still enjoying walking with my boot--knowing that it will all come to an end when I start up with physical therapy again. Without my boot, my foot almost feels like a skeleton being held together by nothing more but a layer of skin. Everything inside feels very loosey-goosey--like it could fall apart and crumble at any second. Once I can start back with PT, my dear Margarita and I can strengthen my foot and HOPEFULLY get me walking on it. I have learned not to put timelines on these things anymore--it will happen when it happens.

Doug and I are going through a few growing pains as we figure out our new "roles." I have always enjoyed being the one who chips away at the coral rock to dig a hole in our backyard, puts together the new furniture from IKEA, or builds the new pergola by the pool. As I look around and see things that need to get done, it is so hard for me to sit by and wait for Doug to have a chance to get to them. I feel like he is having to do everything alone--whereas before we would have done it together.

I had the best time helping the girls build a fort the other day. As long as they are available to go after my tools, I can cut wood and nail on one foot with no problem. :)

Both of my brothers are coming in this week so we can have a little immediate VanderZee family "reunion." My younger brother, Glenn, is already here with his whole family and we are having a great time. It's nice to be up and walking for my brothers. So good to be together.

I will let you know about my next meeting with the pig!

Anne

Saturday, June 20, 2009

"Weebles wobble but they don't fall down . . ."  Do you remember that jingle?  That is the theme song I have running in my head when I try to walk.  I kind of wobble side to side like a penguin.  

Do I sound like I am complaining!?!?  NO . . .!  I love being able to move from place to place AND hold something in my hands AT THE SAME TIME!  Such a concept.  I basically go without my walker when travelling short distances . . . bed to bathroom, kitchen sink to refrigerator, couch to TV, etc.   The rest of the time I use my walker for extra support, and to take a little weight off my foot.  

Thanks to my newfound mobility, we were able to join some friends on their boat.  It was fantastic.  The girls enjoyed looking into the water, fishing, swimming, looking for sea critters, and playing with good friends.  I kept my foot dry by putting it in a bag.  After four hours in the sun, it was nice and "fork-tender" by 

the time we got back to the dock.  Just in time for dinner.

Doug and I worked in the yard today, trying to accomplish some of the tree trimming we started (and abruptly stopped) on the day I fell in January.  When I went inside to put my foot up for a while, the girls suddenly came in screaming saying that Dad was on a ladder.  They grabbed a camera to gather "photographic evidence" of his risky behavior (do you see him in there?).  Even though he managed to live through standing on the top rung of the ladder (don't we ever learn?!?!?), he later stumbled on a tree root and cut his leg with his saw.  

Luckily I have enough medical supplies in my house at this point to safely perform a face transplant in my bathtub.  However, Doug and I wonder if we might live longer if we just hired people to take care of our yard.  Something to consider . . .

We are all looking forward to Father's Day tomorrow.  

Love to you all!

Anne

  

Tuesday, June 16, 2009

For the last 5 months, I have either walked with great aid from a walker, or rolled around on a scooter.  Although my scooter is great for holding my purse, supporting Annika as she learns to use a ripstik, and attracting a lot of curious onlookers, it is an apparatus I would love to permanently park in my garage someday.

Sometimes I watch people walking and can hardly put it together in my brain how their body is able to balance, move, and have forward motion--all at the same time.  It has seemed hardly possible to imagine how my body could ever figure out how to walk again . . . UNTIL TODAY!

OK--I will fill you in on the details.  Here's the deal . . .

The good Lord knows that I adore my dear Dr. Carbonell.  But sometimes I feel like he has tunnel vision on my wound right now and doesn't let me in on what he is thinking about my entire case. So today, as he was running from patient to patient at Wound Care, I blocked the door of my exam room and asked if he could give a little "State of the Nation/Ankle" address to an audience of one (me).  

He basically told me that we have three things to work on with my ankle.  First, we need to get the wound to close (it is getting smaller, but still not sealed up).  Then, I need to get back to physical therapy to gain strength and motion in my ankle.  When that is done, I will learn to walk independently without a boot or a brace.  (All that being said--we also need to keep praying the the bone doesn't die.)

He said that--right now--my ankle joint is like a tire without any tread.  If it is constantly flexing without the help of strong muscles and tendons around it, the talus bone runs the risk of collapsing.  So . . . he told me that he would like for me to WALK USING THE BOOT so that my ankle is kept in a fixed position while getting my leg muscles back in shape. 

I thought, "Well, yea.  You can give me three balls and tell me to juggle but I may just end up throwing the balls in the air and watching them fall to the ground.  Cause, you know--I am real good at falling."  Walk?!?!?  

So--I went home, hauled out the boot, put a big shoe on my good foot, and took a step forward.  IT WAS A MIRACLE!  I walked all the way across the house like I actually knew what I was doing!  Too weird.  Now--mind you--it ain't pretty.  I won't be winning any gracefulness contests on America's Top Model but I am getting from Point A to Point B on my own power.  

In addition to giving some clear directives, Dr. Carbonell also opened up his bag of "wound-closing" tricks to try to get my ankle healed up by Christmas (my new realistic goal).  He has tried human newborn foreskin (didn't work), horse heart (didn't work), and a medieval torture device (kinda worked)--so we are now trying . . . PIG INTESTINE!  Yep, I now have some "Oasis Matrix" in my wound to try to create a "bridge" to connect my own skin tissue together over the hole in my ankle.  

Later, my sweet nurses put a flexible "cast" on my entire leg to keep it stiff.  They were especially kind today, telling me that I have been a real "trooper," and that I need to keep hanging in there.  Their kindness was a blessing.

I read a little thing recently that said that you should always be kind to others because you don't know what battle they may be going through today.  It is so true.  My battle is very visible and obvious.  However, so many of my friends are having quiet struggles with bad marriages, difficult children, shrinking bank accounts, low self-esteem . . . and the list goes on and on.   

Thank you for the kindness that you have shown to my family and me throughout this entire journey.  I will work to "pay it forward!"

Love to you all!

Anne

Wednesday, June 10, 2009

OH MY GOODNESS!  I have never gone this long without writing!  I wish I could tell you that during the last two weeks my wound closed, my bone healed, and I am now running a 6-minute mile BUT actually, nothing has changed.  

Nevertheless, we have been busy enjoying our summer.  

Before we left for our cruise, my Mom and Dad threw a lovely dinner party to

 celebrate my 40th birthday.  It should go without saying that I never expected to be disabled on my 40th.  Last year Doug and I talked about having a big party at our house.  I pictured myself being thin, fabulous, and dancing.  Needless to say . . . that didn't happen.  

However, what we celebrated instead was being 40 and ALIVE!  I am so grateful to everyone who has helped me to reach 40 this year through prayers, words of encouragement, and tons of support!  Love to you all!

Right after school let out, we packed our bags and went on a 4 day cruise to the Bahamas.  We would have been fine if the ship never even left the port--we were just so happy to forget about doctors and just relax, eat, sleep, go to shows, and

 watch our girls run from the waterslides, to the miniature golf, and then off to the next crazy event. 

Elise and Annika LOVED the 24-hour ice cream parlor and pizzeria.  

Doug and I would be sitting by the pool and would suddenly realize that the girls were gone.  Just when we were about to be concerned, we would see them smiling from ear to ear, coming back with gigantic bowls of ice cream.  They also loved being able to eat as much bacon as they wanted for breakfast.

Some dear friends arranged for us to have birthday cakes served to us at our dinner table on our birthdays (mine was on Wednesday, and Doug's was on Thursday).  Although Doug usually cringes at surprises, he handled having the entire food service crew sing "Happy Birthday" to him with the grace of a 51 year old.  :)

There was a kid on our cruise who also had a scooter to help him in recovering from a football injury to his foot.  His

 mother told me that when he saw me on my scooter, he swore he would only use his crutches (you know you look bad on your scooter when a high school boy would rather die than look like YOU!).  However, on the day we disembarked the ship to visit Nassau, he used the scooter.  I was so jealous!  His is so sporty looking!  I decided that if I end up needing my scooter on a permanent basis, I want to write to American Chopper or something to get my scooter "souped up" a little.  Maybe some flames painted on the side or something.

Since I had just had surgery a week before the cruise, Dr. Carbonell put me on antibiotics--just to make sure that my wound wouldn't get infected while we were away.  Well, the morning we were leaving, my upper lip swelled up and my throat felt really thick and funny.  This had happened before when I was on the antibiotics so I knew it would probably go away. 

However, the next morning, I awoke to a huge bottom lip and welts all over my body!  I pretty much spent the entire cruise looking like my husband was beating me up every night.  I just figured that no one on the cruise knew what I looked like anyway so they would just think I was a woman from Miami with extreme collagen lip treatments!  Now that we are back in Miami, I am off the antibiotics and have slowly returned back to my "normal" self.

So, as I said before--nothing has really changed over the last two weeks.  I continue to be non-weight bearing to avoid causing the wound to open further.  When I do place a little weight on my foot, I can't help but notice that it is significantly more painful than before. I look forward to when I can start the physical therapy again.  

To add insult to injury, my scooter wheel hit a rock the other day and I went flying over the handle bars and landed hard.  I was fine (THANK goodness), but it was one of those moments where I just had to cry and admit that this is getting really old and discouraging.  I am usually feeling positive and can honestly say that I believe things will get better, but falling like that made me realize how easily I could hurt myself again.

Next week, it will be five months since I fell.  I am helping with Bible School at our church this week and am taking to heart one of the songs . . .

Faith to see beyond what I can see,

Faith to know that you will do great things.

I will trust you, Lord, I’ll always believe,

As I hold on to my faith, Jesus you are holding on to me.

Love to you all!  

Anne 

Wednesday, May 27, 2009

I was thinking about that typical scene on soap operas, where a character's (let's call him Sloan) face and body is wrapped in 18,000 miles of gauze due to some terrible accident.  Following upteen surgeries to reconstruct Sloan's body, the family is called to the hospital to witness the removal of the bandages.  The nurse slowly unwinds each layer of gauze as the family members grimace with eager anticipation and dread.  As the last bandage is removed from Sloan's face, the music swells, the family gasps, a scream is heard, and . . . fade to black for a commercial break.

I kind of had that same drama playing out in my head when I went to the Wound Care Center on Tuesday.  My foot had been wrapped up since my surgery on Thursday and I was dying to see what my newly closed wound would look like.  Would it be cinched up like a bellybutton or smooth with lots of stitches?  Bloody or clean?  Macerated or dried up?

Well, as my nurse slowly unwound the 18,000 miles of gauze that encircled my ankle, the final removal of the bandage revealed . . . a nice, OPEN wound.  Grrrrrrr!

Although the wound had been closed in surgery, the staples tore through my flesh and the wound popped back open.  Stubborn little bugger. (I included a censored picture here out of respect for my squeamish readers.  To see the real pictures, click on "Anne's Great Fall Wound Pics" in the upper right column). 

After a little disappointment and some time to think, Dr. Carbonell decided that he would try to close it back up again.  We first tried to staple it shut again but it just didn't want to stay shut.  So, he used steri-strips instead.  I will see him tomorrow for him to take a second look.  

I have no idea if this thing will actually close up this way.  Time will tell.

On a happy note, we surprised our girls tonight with news that we are going to take a 4-day cruise next week.  A cruise seemed like a good travel option for us right now (with me on the scooter again).  The girls were really excited--very cute.  I just hope the security guys don't get concerned when they see my bone growth stimulator in my suitcase.     

 

Saturday, May 23, 2009

Many of you have asked for pictures but I didn't want to gross out my squeamish readers. So, if you want to see wound pics, just click on "Anne's Great Fall Wound Pics" in the upper right column. Enjoy!

Friday, May 22, 2009

I made it!  The wound is now closed and secured with staples.  I may not move my ankle or put any weight on it for about two weeks so I don't tear the thing back open.

As I told you earlier, I was feeling really lousy on Wednesday night before the surgery.  Annika was very distressed by this.  She said, "I know I am not supposed to worry about you and I am trying to be positive but I am looking at you and you do not seem the same like you were before like when you were laughing and joking and now you look sick again and that is making me think that you are not getting better and maybe you are getting worse . . ."  While Doug was working to reassure her, I was trying to reassure myself.  

I was still feeling very faint and weak by the time I went in for surgery on Thursday.  So, my ever-faithful Nurse Judith hooked me up to the IV and put some liquids back in me.  That helped a lot.  

It was so funny going through all of the prep that I had just done two days before.  From the nurses to the lab techs--people kept saying, "Weren't you here for surgery just the other day?!?!?"  Yep--I just can't stay away from being poked, prodded, and knocked out!

The funniest part was seeing people's reactions to the Dermaclose apparatus on my foot.  Dr. Carbonell told me it was the first time it was used on a patient at Jackson Hospital.  I could tell.  Everyone who came by would look at my ankle, smile, and then do a nasty-faced double take to look at it again. 

The anesthesiologists were particularly grossed out by it. (You can see here in the pictures that one felt the need to hold his nose, while the other kept saying, "Eewww!"  I told them that was not very professional.)

Although it looked terrible, the little thing did its job . . . IT CLOSED THE WOUND.  Praise the Lord.  Dr. Carbonell and his residents were very excited to see how well it worked. 

Dr. Carbonell finally got a look at my x-rays and told me that there are signs of bone death along the top ridge of the talus.  That is not very good news.  If the bone continues to die over the next 6 months (the usual time range for bone death after an injury), we will then have to consider more serious options (ankle replacement or ankle fusion).  However, if the bone is finished dying, I should be OK.  He said that he has had many patients who have been able to function well with the same amount of bone death that I have right now.  So, let's just pray that the blood supply has been restored to the bone and that it is in the mood to stay ALIVE!

Last night, I had this conversation with Elise . . .

"It's good that you don't have to wear your big boot anymore. Right, Mom?"

"Yes, honey."

"And, it's good that you don't have blood all over your bandage. Right, Mom?"

"Yes, honey."

"And, it's good that you didn't die during surgery. Right, Mom?"

"Yes, honey."

Sometimes life is just about the simple things. 

Wednesday night, May 20, 2009

The strings keep pulling tighter and tighter on the Dermaclose device.  I am becoming more and more convinced that this thing really could be used effectively in torture situations. (Google it and look at the case studies if you aren't convinced.  It may work wonders on wounds but it sure looks freaky!!)

I scared myself a little tonight because I was running a slight fever and was feeling really achy.  Between that and the pain, I was feeling like I was back where I was about two months ago--feeling lousy.  So . . . I ate a TON of food and that kind of boosted me back up.  I also took a percocet (I hate taking those things) which took the edge off the pain. Hopefully the fever is because my body is working hard to balance itself out after the surgery.  I don't even want to THINK about the possibility of it being from infection.

My Mom and Dad are back from visiting my brother and his family in California so they will take me to surgery tomorrow morning.  My surgery will be at 11:30am and should be a quick one if everything goes as planned.  Will keep you posted . . .

Wednesday, May 20, 2009

We went round and round wondering if I should spend the day by myself today, or if we should get a "babysitter" for me.  Looking back on my blog, we noticed that I was pretty "out of it" the day after the last surgery (the one where they removed the external fixator).  Although I am in some pain today (feeling the little timer pulling on those strings!!!), I am happy to be taking lots of naps and working to schedule my surgery for tomorrow!  

I had two thoughts though . . .

One, you would think that having surgery would give you permission to "check out" from being a Mom for a few hours.  Not true.  The minute the kids got home around 8:30pm, we were dealing with the last-minute stresses of finishing homework, packing lunches, walking the dog in the rain, and choosing appropriate clothes and shoes for the Hawaiian dress day.  Of course, I was trying to manage all this from my bed--which usually results in a lot of yelling with no one listening.  When everyone was finally quiet, we all realized that the stress is really just about one thing--the fact that Mom having surgery is scary, brings up lots of bad memories, and invites new concerns about the future.  Not very fun.

Two, when I wake up from surgery, there is really only one person I want to see . . . my husband.  When he walks into the room, my heart still does a little happy flutter.  He has been so patient, and loving, and long-suffering throughout all of this.  I love him.  I love him.  I love him.

Tuesday, May 19, 2009

Hey!  I survived!  

Last night, I ate a ton of food right up until midnight (the food and water cut-off time for surgery), and then stayed up and watched T.V. until 2 am. My plan was to sleep in this morning as late as possible so I wouldn't notice that I wasn't going to be able to eat until after 8:00 pm!  I made it through the morning without any accidental snacking and took a nice, hot shower--knowing it would be my last for a while.  

When my friend, Nancy, came and picked me up to bring me to Jackson, I felt like I was leaving for a haircut.  Seeing as this is my fifth surgery since my fall, I feel like I have the surgery routine pretty down pat.  The blood work.  The EKG.  The lovely gown.  The gazillion medical questions.  The endless search for a good vein.  The annoying need to go to the bathroom right after being hooked up to the IV and heart monitor.

I was assigned to Nurse Judith.  A by-the-book, on-the-ball, to-the-point, not-messing-around kind of nurse.  She was wonderful and even brought me peanut butter and jelly with some crackers after my surgery.  Best meal I had all day.

I like a nurse like Nurse Judith MUCH better than the dropping-the-needle, misplacing-the-armband, rolling-the-eyes-at-the-doctor, what-was-your-name?-kind of nurse.  That had happened the day before when the nurse walked in and said, "OK, Ms. Heetderks, we are ready to take you for your chest X-ray . . ."  I thought, "I am getting my ankle fixed and getting a cosmetic enhancement at the same time???  Hot-diggedy dog!!!"

Anyway, when it was time for the surgery, a man came in with Dr. Carbonell to explain the procedure that they were going to use on my foot.  Basically (look at the picture), they would staple a number of metal brackets around the perimeter of my wound.  A wire would be strung through the rings and attached to a timer (the blue and white thing).  The timer will gradually pull the wire over the next two days--slowly cinching the wound closed.  The diagram shown here is so pretty.  When I saw what it looked like on me after the surgery (I chose not to include a picture out of respect for my squeamish readers!), it reminded me of some fancy new advancement in torture technology.  

The surprise for Doug and I was that I will be having another surgery in two days on Thursday!  This will be a quick surgery where they will remove the brackets and the timer, and then secure the closed wound with staples.  Amazing.

Dr. Carbonell is hopeful that this procedure will actually work and will be the end of my open-wound days.  If it is successful, we will still have to keep a close eye out for infection or rejection of the tissue on the metal.  For now--we will stay positive.

It was so funny.  On Monday, I had a full x-ray done of my foot.  When I was leaving the radiology department, there was a dark room with the door open.  Here inside were two men staring at computer monitors with a big foot illuminated on their screens.  They were discussing various aspects of the image, so I was trying to inconspicuously hang around so I might catch a word or two of what they were saying (as inconspicuously as a big woman with a turquoise walker and a tube hanging from her leg can look).  As I was analyzing the image, sure that I was recognizing hairline fractures in the talus, and slight bone death on the perimeter of the bone . . . I realized . . . the foot didn't have any pins or metal plates screwed into it.  What an idiot!  It wasn't my foot at all.  Remind me not to quit my day job to pursue a career in radiology.

Dr. Carbonell said that he didn't get to see MY ankle x-rays because the computer was down. Just as well.  I don't want to get any bad news about bone death.  Today is just about wound closure.  

A special word of thanks to all of you who have been praying for my family and me.  God has been allowing us to learn so much through this experience.  Every day is a blessing in its own way.  

Love to you all!

Anne

P.S.  As if having his aquarium explode wasn't bad enough . . .  This morning, Doug was getting ready to do a little presentation at our morning faculty meeting, when he heard the maintenance guys using the weed whacker around his barn.  Unfortunately, they were not aware that two of Doug's hens have been faithfully sitting on eggs underneath the chicken coop over the last few weeks.  By the time Doug reached the coop, it was too late.  The hens and all of their eggs were weed-whacked to smithereens.  He had to reach under the coop and pull out the dead hens and all of the broken eggs with the little chicks inside.  So sad.

Monday, May 18, 2009

Hello! 

On Friday, I went to visit my infectious disease doctor, Dr. Jacobsen.  I haven't been to that office in a while, now that I am off of my antibiotics.  It was a riot to see everyone again.  Dr. J. was happy to hear that Dr. Carbonell was going to close up the wound on Tuesday. He can't tell me enough times that as long as the metal hardware is exposed--my risk of infection is very great.  Even with tomorrow's surgery, he still has his doubts that the wound will heal over the metal.  I just have to hope that my body will surprise him.

I attempted to go shopping for some clothes . . . a first since my fall.  I was delighted to see that long, sleeveless dresses seem to be in for this summer.  Perfect fashion to disguise a big, black boot!  Hooray!

Doug and the girls took a late night run over to the home of a family friend to witness the birth of puppies!!!  It was quite an eye-opening experience to see this dog give birth to 10 puppies--one every half-hour.  The girls LOVED it.  

Unfortunately, this experience may have wiped out any chance of us having any grandchildren.  The girls concluded that they don't EVER want to get pregnant now that they know what is involved in giving birth!

I am one of the leaders of our middle/high school youth group at our church.  So, on Saturday, we got on a bus and had a beach outing at Bill Baggs Beach on Key Biscayne.  To protect my foot, I wrapped it up in a garbage bag and hoped that no one would throw it away on accident (just kidding).  The kids helped carry me down to the water and set me up with all my garb on the beach.  The only problem was that I fell asleep and when I woke up--everyone was gone.  I was burned, thirsty, and I had NO way to get back to the picnic area!  So funny.  

Elise was able to come along with us and had a great time hanging out with the big kids.  She was even very impressed that I was able to jump up the three steps of the bus all by myself.  She is such a cheerleader for me.

Annika hung out with Doug on Saturday and brought chickens from the Discovery Barn over to a local farm.  They spent the day checking out animals that could become the newest members of Doug's Barn program.  So much fun.

We are gearing up for having me "out of commission" again this week.  I am excited to begin a new chapter of my healing (maybe even get rid of the tube attached to my ankle?!?!?).  I will let you know how it goes.  

Thanks for all of your prayers!

Anne

P.S.  As usual, Dr. Jacobsen ended my appointment on Friday with a bad joke.  Here it is . . .

So, Dr. J. was meeting with a husband and wife who had just found out that their son had been in a terrible accident and was in need of a brain transplant.  The doctors explained to the parents that there were two brains available for the transplant.  One was the brain of a young man which would cost $100,000.  The other was the brain of a woman which would cost $30,000.  As the parents considered their options, they felt they had to ask why there was such a difference in the cost of the two brains.  The doctor said, "Well, the woman's brain is used."

Baddum-bum.  (I told you it was bad.)

Wednesday, May 13, 2009

We are making progress, people!

Sometimes it is the little things that make all the difference: the cherry on top, the new windshield wipers, or the cold drink on a hot day.  For me, right now, the little thing that is making me so happy is my new, sleek, FLESH-colored compression sock that I bought yesterday at a medical supply store!  No matter what—I need to always wear an elasticized stocking to keep blood from pooling in my foot throughout the day.  But the one they have been giving me at the Wound Care Center each week--called a tubigrip (pictured here before I burned it)--always ends up looking so frayed and gross.  

The guy at the store told me the new stocking wouldn't work because it would run when I put a hole in it for my VAC tube.  He obviously has never used a bit of clear nail polish to stop a run in a new pair of pantyhose!!  Please!  I globbed on a ton of polish, poked a hole in the middle, and VOILA!, a custom compression sock!  Please enjoy the picture of my sexy leg in its new compression sock while being treated by my bone growth stimulator (are we sure this site is still rated G?).

My other big news is that I am having surgery on Tuesday!  As expected, my wound has decreased in size but my skin just doesn’t want to heal over the metal bracket.  Rather than create a new 5-inch incision to remove the bracket, he is going to do a procedure that he describes as “pulling purse strings.”  Basically, he will sew metal threads around the perimeter of my wound (it is now about the size of a nickel), and then pull the strings to close the wound.  Prior to pulling, he will remove some of the scar tissue that has caused the healed area to be so dense and thick.  HOPEFULLY, this will finally bring an end to my open wound issues!

He is also going to do a procedure to my big toe to allow it to flex again.  He said that it is common for the toe to become “frozen” as a result of an ankle injury like mine.  He will cut into the toe to release something or other (didn’t catch the name) that will allow me to walk better in the future.  He warns me that this will be the most painful part of the recovery.

Unfortunately, this will mean that I can’t go to see Margarita for at least two weeks while I heal.  I have to remember that this surgery will probably set me back for a while again.  I have been enjoying a period of time where things seem to be moving forward and I can almost actually believe that I might walk on my own again.  Being immobile again will probably be a little scary.  Remind me of this when I start whining on my blog at the end of next week, OK?

Love to you all! 

Anne

Mother's Day--Sunday, May 10, 2009

Loving me has been more complicated than usual during the last four months.  I could understand how my family was wondering, "Well, hasn't every day been 'Mother's Day' lately??"  Nevertheless, I woke up to sweet cards, a beautiful necklace, and a wonderful assortment of handmade plastic key rings.  We had Thai food for lunch, shopped at the Falls in the afternoon, and cuddled while watching TV at night.  Couldn't be sweeter.

Saturday, May 9, 2009

I have been walking around for the last week primarily feeling like a huge, sweaty, blubbery beast on four walker wheels.  When I look down, I see that I am wearing the equivalent of a knee-high sock like I wore in Junior High (my compression “sock”).  The only problem is that I am only wearing it on one leg—and, this one is bone-white, frayed on both ends, and has a ugly hole in it large enough for a tube (carrying yellow body fluid) to fit through.  No outfit on earth seems to want to blend with the orthopedic-looking white sneakers, the ever-present black “purse” (which contains the collected body juice), and the hunched over body position I seem to be in 80% of the time. 

And then . . . just when I have deemed myself too despicable to take up space on the planet, I run into someone who says, “OH MY GOODNESS!  YOU LOOK FANTASTIC!!!”

One has to wonder . . .is this what people say when they really want to run away in complete fright and horror?

Amazingly enough, when I look into their eyes and see that they are genuinely delighted at the sight of me, I realize that they are “seeing” something different than what I see in the mirror each morning.  They see someone who had ashen-colored skin three months ago and barely had the energy to carry on a two-minute conversation on the phone.  They see someone who is now “walking” down a hallway instead of being pushed in a wheelchair.   Most of all, they see an answer to prayer and a reason to give God great praise.

Friday, May 8, 2009

Whereas my usual routine used to be going to the Infectious Disease office to get my blood drawn and to collect my cooler of antibiotics, I now take a usual pilgrimage to the Physical Therapist office at Baptist Hospital. 

Just like at the Wound Care Center, there is a lovely collection of people with terrible stories to tell. There is a guy I see regularly who lost his leg in a hit-and-run accident 24 years ago.  He wants my scooter so he can use it in the middle of the night to get to the bathroom without bothering with his wheelchair.  He is pretty much in a constant process of strengthening or “repairing” one part of his body.  Just when one thing gets better, another part starts to deteriorate.  Nevertheless, he is always in a great mood. 

Margarita shows me the most mind-blowing things about my foot.   Each tiny bone and tendon functions together so beautifully—until someone smashes one part to smithereens in a freak ladder accident.  Then all of a sudden, it is like a big line of dominos standing up on end . . . someone knocks over one domino and the rest fall down in defeat.  So now, we work each day to slowly tinker away at each part of the foot until it performs in perfect unison once again. 

I have a whole selection of exercises designed to strengthen all of the affected areas of my foot.  Some involve surgical tubing, while others employ the use of wooded wedges.  Each piece of equipment is ingenious in its simplicity.  My favorite tool is this big blue plastic saucer.  The saucer has a ball screwed into the bottom of it.  My job is to roll my foot forward and back so that the front and back edge of the saucer gently touches the ground.  Later, I do the same thing side to side.  It is a killer but it really works my foot in so many places.

Anyway—Margarita says that she has never seen an injury like mine in the 28 years that she has been doing physical therapy.  She is pleased by my progress and thinks that (if everything proceeds without incident), I should be walking in about 6 months.   Patience . . . patience . . . patience . . .

I feel like I am making things up because every day I have a different pain than the day before.  Thank the Lord, the majority of the pains seem to have fairly innocent explanations and are just part of the process.  Let the healing begin.