Friday, March 27, 2009

Howdy!  I have actually been able to get out of the house during the last few days!  I spent one day at school on Wednesday and began doing a little work for our Art Fair.  It is so much fun to see all of the teachers and kids.  Makes me feel like I am back in "the land of the living" again.

My dear friend, Lisa, who has taken over my class is doing such an amazing job.  Watching her enthusiastically teach class after class that came in made me realize something that I really didn't want to admit . . . That I do not have the energy right now to take on teaching full-time quite yet.  Just trying to maneuver my ridiculous body around the room was difficult in and of itself!  

The other thing is that my foot is still so fragile.  Just being up a little while makes it swell up like crazy.  I can not compromise healing just because I am antsy to get back to work.  Hopefully I will be able to return about half-time by the last month of school.  Dr. Carbonell told me that I can go back to work in August.  As usual--time will tell.  

Love to you all--

Anne

Tuesday, March 24, 2009

Hello!  Throughout the past week, I have been amazed at how my wound appears to be getting smaller.  Sure enough, when Dr. Carbonell saw my wound, he was thrilled.  He said (if he was a betting man), it would probably be closed in about 6 weeks.  Even though the metal bar is still running through the middle of the wound, there is some tissue that seems to be acting like it wants to start to go over the metal.  If this works out, it would mean that I don't have to have another surgery in the next month.  That would be great.

I also asked Dr. Carbonell for his best guess at my future.  As a result, I feel like I got a realistic picture of what is to come.

Basically, assuming the wound heals, we will now be dealing with the bone.  There are a number of hurdles that will face us that will just be a "time will tell" situation.

Hurdle #1:  Death of the bone.  Even though the bone is alive right now, it could easily start to die over the next few months because of all the capillaries and blood vessels that were severed during the fall.  If the bone can not get enough blood, it will die.

Hurdle #2: Infection of the bone.  If they take me off the antibiotics too early, they are afraid that the bacteria that may have been trapped inside the bone fragments (that have now healed into a solid mass) will take hold of the bone and kill it.  There will come a point soon when they need to take me off of the antibiotics because of all of the negative side effects associated with their use.  Then it will just be a "wait and see" situation.

Hurdle #3: Collapse of the bone.  Once I go through physical therapy and start putting my full body weight on the bone, there is about a 50-50 chance that the bone will shatter and collapse.  Dr. Carbonell said that if it is going to happen, it will usually take place within the 6 months after being weight-bearing.  

If any of these hurdles occur, I will most likely have to have an ankle fusion.  This is where they permanently put the ankle in a fixed position so that it is not using the compromised bone in any way.  There are a host of yucky things that go along with ankle fusions--one being the four months of recovery required after surgery.  

So . . . my prayer is that we will take each of these hurdles one at a time and beat each one.  I know I have no power over any of it so I fully release it to my OH-So-much-smarter-than-me God.  

Love to you all!

Anne

Monday, March 24, 2009

Well, hello!  It has been a while since I last wrote!  If you notice a few days passing between entries, it is usually a sign that I am feeling a little down.  When I feel the blues coming on, I am finding that I am better off ignoring the situation for a little while rather than writing all about it in my blog.  Nevertheless, I am back on an upswing so . . . here I am!

Doug is back and the girls and I could not be happier.  What a blessing to have his whistling, happy body back home.

My friend, Marjorie, told me that her mother fell getting out of bed and broke BOTH of her ankles!!!  She now wears the same black boot that I wear on BOTH of her feet!  Poor thing!

Marjorie told me that her Dad refers to the boots as her "Frankenstein" boots.  Well, never having been a fan of Frankenstein, I did a little research to find out what he was talking about.  I have included a picture of Frank's boots and have to agree that they do bear a striking resemblance to my new footwear.  Although I might feel like the a pathetic version of the monster hobbling around with my walker (now fitted with tennis balls--I might add!!!), I much prefer Elise's perception of my appearance.  :)

Matt and Vera, my brother and sister-in-law, just arrived from Chicago to visit us and to attend a wedding.  Just when I was feeling like I was the only one attached to weird contraptions while sleeping at night, Matt pulled out this new thing he has to wear for his sleep apnea.  It is basically a blow up projectile that he straps on to keep him from rolling over onto his back while sleeping.  I just about peed my pants watching him demonstrate this miraculous development in modern medicine. 

I head to wound care to see Dr. Carbonell tomorrow so I will let you know the latest news as soon as I hear it.

Love to you all!

Anne

Thursday, March 19, 2009

Before I begin, here is a late St. Patrick's Day joke told to me by my infectious disease doctor . . . Here it is -- Name a famous Irish outdoorsman.  (Answer at the end)

I really miss Doug.  I feel like we are just barely limping along (literally and figuratively) without him.  He left me these sweet little lunches in the fridge so the girls can grab them in the morning and leave them by my bed.  It will be good to have our family back together again on Sunday night.

My friend, Nancy, wheeled me through the entire Miami Metro Zoo this morning (a huge walk if you haven't been there before).  We went early to miss the school field trips and such.  All of the animals were awake and active--like they were waiting for us to come.  

I am still milling over all the news Dr. Carbonell gave me on Tuesday and am feeling a little "antsy in my pantsy."  I want to get hopping on doing my physical therapy.  I am ready to just rip some skin off my thigh (never looked very good in a bathing suit anyway so may as well do some permanent damage) and put it over my wound.  This waiting around for natural healing is boring.  :)  Just kidding.  

I act like I have all these better things to do but the reality still remains that I SLEEP CONSTANTLY.  I am just-plain pooped.  I sat in a wheelchair this morning at the zoo for less than two hours and came home feeling like I had just run a marathon.  I felt better when I had a home evaluation this afternoon from my home nursing company.  The nurse just emphasized again that the antibiotics that I am on completely wear you down and urged me to GET THE REST I NEED.  I feel guilty resting.  I feel like I should be working.

Oh well--just venting a little again.

Love you all!

Anne

P.S.  Answer:  Patio Furniture!

 

Wednesday, March 18, 2009

 Well, it only makes sense after my Saturday entry that I am now telling you that my husband is leaving me.  NO--not "leaving"me--heaven forbid.  He is just leaving to go to New Orleans for a science conference until Sunday night.  I am in a little bit of denial about what this really means for us.  I am sure I will be writing you soon to tell you of the piles of laundry, filthy floors, boring (or non-existent) meals, and the eerie dullness that has plagued our house since his departure.  If any of you would like to stop by around bedtime to help us all get settled in for the night.  Feel free!  

 

Tuesday, March 17, 2009

WATCH OUT FOR THAT CURVE BALL!!!  I think that is what someone should have said before I entered Dr. Carbonell's office today.  Just when I thought I knew what was going on--everything changed.  

One--I need to stay on the antibiotics for at least another month (maybe longer).  Both of my doctors agree that there is a great likelihood that the bacteria is still hiding out in the bone. They are both afraid that if I go off the antibiotics, that the bacteria will come out from the bone, kill it--and then I could lose the foot.  Oh . . . I hadn't heard about that.  This is a very real concern--one they will have to weigh with causing damage to my kidneys and liver from being on the antibiotics for too long.

Two--I am NOT going for physical therapy anytime soon.  Dr. Carbonell wants my wound to be closed up first before I start sweating and moving my foot all around.  For now, he wants me to continue to move it around on my own and put pressure on it when I walk with my walker. (The pictures show my wound before and after dermagraft.  The milky appearance is the dermagraft that my own tissue has "absorbed."  The VAC will now encourage my own skin cells to fill in the rest.) 

Three--He foresees me wearing my velcro boot and using my walker until AT LEAST August.  Now picture this in July with a bathing suit (Really--I'm not complaining).

Four--If it means that I have to be in a standing position--he does not want me to return to work until August.  I think I will figure out a way to teach sitting down.

Five--If the wound does not close up in a month, he will have me go through another surgery to remove the plate by my ankle and use my own skin to cover the wound.  Right now, my own tissue and the dermagraft is resisting growing over the metal plate (you can see from the pictures).  The plate is quite long so he would really have to cut far above and below the wound to remove it, but if it refuses to heal--we will have no choice.

Six--I am wearing the VAC again (see the tube?).  The constant suction will encourage the tissue to grow.

FINALLY--on a personal note--I wore real pants today for the first time (wipe away a tear).  And . . . I was able to speak to my students today at their weekly chapel to talk about the struggles and blessings that have come from this injury.  So good to see them.

Love to you all!

Anne

Saturday, March 14, 2009

The life of a caregiver is never easy.  You have to watch over this person who is very needy and helpless and wants you ALL THE TIME for something.  You don't get cards in the mail.  Nobody sends you flowers.  You are expected to be happy, and caring, and loving--without ever a word of complaint.  You just keep taking care of this person who was dumb enough to climb up on a ladder without help.  And somehow, because of their stupidity--you are stuck cleaning bed pans, making lunches, and taking on the jobs of two people.  

Understanding that my Douglas (my caregiver) has been absolutely amazing, I have sat by and listened to a story he has been repeating since I came home on Thursday.  Mind you, the last few days have been a bit of a blur.  Sleeping a lot.  Taking pain meds. Moving my ankle a little.  Using the bed pan (highly over-rated).  But I keep hearing this story.  Over and over.  The same story.  So I will share it with you now . . .

You will have to have Doug tell it to you to get the full effect . . . something about me thinking that I could walk a mile the minute I got home from the hospital.  That he saw my knees begin to buckle when I tried to "walk" to the bathroom and that he caught me from behind.  That I kept telling him I was fine--and then I would suddenly go limp again.  That he dragged me to the toilet, only to have me throw my head back and start making a deep, guttural sound (he will gladly reenact it for you).  He will also show you how my eyes rolled back in my head and that I turned the color of a banana peel.  He yelled and yelled at me, but I wouldn't answer.  I kept looking worse and making fewer noises.  Then he says that he tried to hold me on the toilet while trying to dial 9-1-1 but mistakenly dialed 9-1-1-1 so the call wouldn't go through.  And just when he was ready to say good bye to me for good--to thank the Lord for the 15 wonderful years we have had together--I jerked my head up and said, "What in the world are you calling 911 for?!?!?  There is nothing wrong with me!!!!"

I think it was at that point that he decided to quit his job as my caregiver.

Say a prayer for Douglas tonight that he will not have heart problems by the time my ankle has healed.

Love to you all!

Anne

Thursday, March 12, 2009

Mom brought me to Jackson South this morning for my surgery.  Everything went extremely well.  Dr. Carbonell was able to remove the fixator, remove a little hardware, and cover the wound.  He also manipulated my foot out of the 90 degree angle-position that it has been in for the last 8 weeks.  He says that in order to do that, he tore apart a lot of scar tissue--painful--but good.  The best news was that the talus bone looks like it is alive.  Thanks be to God.

I have been feeling good the last few days--zipping around on my scooter and visiting school. So, I think I kind of had it in my head that I was going to have my surgery and continue improving.  WRONG!  I can see that I am now almost back at the beginning.  LOTS of pain. Very painful movement.  Strong spasms.  We found that I can't even get up to go to the bathroom 

without blanking out from the pain so we are back to using the bed pan.  Fun!  

I called Dr. Carbonell about it and he let me know that I will be experiencing some pretty extreme pain for the next few days because of the ankle manipulation during the surgery. However, hopefully the pain will begin to subside so I can start to take on physical therapy next week.  Time will tell.

I am encouraged.  This is all part of the process.  My spirits are good.  My family is amazing.  My friends are incredibly supportive.  

Love you all so much!

Anne

Wednesday, March 11, 2009

As I sit here, I can hear Doug talking to Annika.  She is trying to settle down for bed but is heartbroken about my surgery tomorrow.  She is so worried about ankle fusions, infection, bone death, amputation--things a kid really would never know about unless they were planning a future in podiatry.  I hate to hear her cry--wondering why this had to happen to me.  I hate to think that I have caused her such deep angst.  She is trying so hard to let it go--but it is eating her up.  

In reality--tomorrow will be wonderful.  It will be amazing to get this fixator off of my leg--I think my leg might fly up in the air the minute they take it off.  I am also thrilled at the idea of covering up my ugly wound (actually--it has gotten pretty darn good looking if I do say so myself).  I also just might be pretty close to getting off the antibiotics because I have now managed to live through eight weeks of treatment!!

I mentioned before that this surgery will most likely be the beginning of a new chapter of my story.  I now know that to be true.  On Monday--I will begin my first day of physical therapy to see what my poor ankle can do.  But it will also be when we get to look at the new x-rays to see if the shattered pieces of bone were able to stay alive.  If the talus bone was just too damaged for the blood to return to the bone, it will be dead.  I'd like to think that I have my very own Easter miracle going on in my foot right now and that the bone is alive!  Whatever the case will be--I am up for it.  Who cares.  It all makes life interesting--right???

Please be praying for Doug, Annika, and Elise as they each handle their concern for me in their own way.  They have been so brave throughout this whole deal.  I love them so much.

Love you, too!

Anne

P.S. A wonderful artist and author, Jim Arnosky, came to talk to our students today at school so I went to hear him.  So great to see him at work--but also to see my students.  They all tell me that they have been praying for me every night and that they are so proud of me.  What amazing kids.

 

Tuesday, March 10, 2009

Good Morning!  Today is a big day because I am going to all my doctors to prepare for my surgery which is now on THURSDAY at noon.  

Remember when I wrote you that I was perfectly happy staying in bed all day sleeping?  Well, my body must be doing better because I am DESPERATE to get out of the house.  I went to school yesterday and was delighted to see so many of my students--it really fed my spirit.  So many people have mentioned that it is common to go through a time of depression/anxiety when going through something like this.  Well, I have really been fighting it a little during the last week and it has been wonderful to combat it with PRAYER, PEOPLE, SUNSHINE, AND OUTINGS!  

Praise be to God for the dear people who have encouraged me--sometimes without even realizing it.  One friend brought me a toe ring to put on my foot.  She told me that every time I look at it, I can remember that God loves me.  A sweet student at school yesterday gave me a note and ended it with, "For I will restore your health to you and heal you of your wounds," says the Lord (Jeremiah 30:17a).  The wounds feel both physical and emotional this week--so I am taking that one to heart.  So many have continued to remember and encourage us in such amazing ways--we are so blessed.

Love to you all!

Anne 

Saturday, March 7, 2009

After a difficult night, I woke up this morning to an unexpected email from a friend.  She wrote, “Because of the Lord’s great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail.  They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness (Lam. 3:22-23).”  At the very moment I read those words, my ever-whistling husband began whistling, "Great is thy Faithfulness" off in the kitchen.  It was another confirmation of what I have been trying to allow myself to fully believe--that God is in every detail.  He knows everything I need.  He will take care of me.  I do not need to worry.  God is good.

As my ankle pain begins to subside and my healing is moving along, more of "real" life is beginning to creep back into my life.  The cost of this injury and the realities of budget

 issues at our school has brought about new concerns that are hard for me to "let go and let God."  Somehow it is easier for me to give my ankle over to the Lord because it is obvious that I am powerless to do anything about it.  But when it comes to money--it feels like I should still have to bear some of the responsibility to take care of it.  I am working through this.  It has really gotten me down and I just can not slip downward.  I have too far to go.

So--today I got out of the house and went to Annika's soccer game.  I saw so many people from school and was greatly encouraged by many of the conversations that I had with them.  It was good to see sunlight, hear the joyful voices of children, and be hugged and kissed by friends.  Life really is good.

Love to you all--

Anne

Tuesday, March 3, 2009

I have news!  I went to see Dr. Carbonell today and found out that I am scheduled for surgery for next Friday (the 13th).  He is going to remove the metal plate that is still exposed on my bone, close up the wound with dermagraft, and then . . . (drumroll) . . . take off the external fixator!  

Following the surgery, he will fit me with a boot and start me on physical therapy for three times a week.  Also, even though the wound will be covered with skin, Dr. Carbonell would still like me to continue with the VAC therapy.  That means that I will still need to carry around my little machine all the time and be seen by my home health care nurse twice a week.  

In addition, by next Friday, I will have been on the antibiotics for eight weeks.  So . . . it just might be that my infectious disease doctor will have me stop taking the IV antibiotics (the ones that are still causing me such wacky side-effects).  

So many changes . . . can you stand it???

I had planned to host a chapel presentation at my school on March 17 (the Tuesday after my surgery) so I hope that I will still be up for it.  I have been so anxious to go back to my sweet students and talk to them about this entire experience.  I want to talk to them honestly about how difficult this process has been--but that it has been such a blessing, too.  Even though they may be as young as five years of age, many of them are experiencing tragedies far worse than my little ankle problem.  I want them to know that God has a plan for them--no matter how bad it may seem right now.  

So many of you have written me such amazing things.  I have heard from old friends from college and my childhood, Kindergarten students, people currently going through horrendous hardships, wonderful parents of my students, dear members of my church, my crazy brothers, and even people I have never met.  Each of you have reacted to tiny things I have said in my blog by sending me jokes, ridiculous videos, words that let me know that you "get it," inspirational verses, offers for rides and meals, and medical advice given to you by doctors or friends.  One of you even sent me a picture of a person's ankle after it had been mauled by a polar bear--sure proof that there is an ankle out there that is definitely worse than mine!  :)

I love each of you so much and appreciate that God is using you to bring me through this time.  

Thank you so much.

Anne

Saturday, February 28, 2009

OK, OK!  I won't do any more googling!!!  So many of you have written to tell me to get off the computer and take this whole thing day by day.  I now know that giving into the temptation of taking a sneak peek at the future really FREAKS ME OUT!  

Since being discharged from the hospital, the only reason I have left the house is to go see a doctor.  Well, last Thursday, I took my foot on a big field trip to our school.  I helped Annika and some classmates make chili for a chili cook-off, and Elise got to explain all of the medical gadgets attached to me to her class.  It was good to be at school again--and I was glad that I felt at peace being there.  I left feeling like--I know that I will one day return to teach, but I am in no shape for that right now.  All in good time.  

After two hours at school, I was totally exhausted and came home and slept and slept and slept. Every time I woke up, I thought about my students and colleagues who were happy to see me, my good friend who has done a fantastic job taking over my Art classes for me, the kind school parents who are bending over backwards to help us out, my dear girls who seemed relieved to see me out of the house and in my usual surroundings, and my precious husband who is managing to keep our family afloat with a smile.

Doug and I enjoyed some time together this weekend because the girls both had sleepovers on Friday night.  We managed to watch The Bucket List without falling asleep.  This was actually a really big deal because--prior to my fall--we had rented that movie three times without ever watching it before the due date!  

Then, on Saturday, we got really ambitious and went to the movie theater to see Slumdog Millionaire (my second field trip of the week!!).  Now, when I get in a wheelchair with my leg straight out and my foot propped up on 5 pillows--I am quite a sight.  I literally scared small children at the theater.  We laughed and laughed trying to fit me and my foot into the handicapped bathroom. It was good to be out doing something normal.

On a bummer note, my insurance is "officially" unwilling to pay for the dermagraft necessary to close up my wound.  I don't know what this means for me, but I am sure Dr. Carbonell will tell me what is next soon enough.

Thanks for all of your encouraging notes!  Much love to you all!

Anne

Thursday night, February 27, 2009

I just made the mistake of googling "ankle fusion."  Freaks me out.  There are a ton of people who have written about what it is like to recover from a bad ankle break.  All of a sudden it is dawning on me that I may be looking at a future of living in constant pain.  I don't want to be on pain meds for the rest of my life.  I am also realizing that when they talk about these future surgeries--we are talking about a long time of recovery.  I kind of had it in my head that I would just have to make it through this recovery . . . but not a few more!  And so many people write that the one surgery causes another problem that results in another surgery.  I want to get back to work and my life.   How long will this take?  What are we talking about here? I think that I just might be dealing with this for the rest of my life.  What in the world was I doing on that ladder?

I am just thinking about my friends, Joyce McKimson and Sharon Carper.  These are two amazing women in different stages of dealing with cancer.  They, too, will be dealing with their cancer for the rest of their lives.  And yet they are facing life with courage.  Taking life one day at a time.

Get over yourself, Anne.  Deal with it.  Everyone has their stuff that they have to deal with. Yours just happens to be your ankle.  You will make it.

Thanks for letting me vent.  

Anne

Wednesday, February 25, 2009

Well, the people have spoken.  66% of you voted that you would enjoy seeing a current picture of my wound.  It looks good, huh???  Lucky for the 8% of you who voted that my wound pictures gross you out—this picture isn’t too bad compared to the first ones (feel free to scroll down to look at some of the earlier pictures if you don’t believe me!).  I still have that pesky little hole (see it below the wound?) where fluid drains out.  The hole should close up eventually.

When Dr. Carbonell saw my wound yesterday, he was more convinced than ever that I need to get the wound covered with dermagraft (a skin substitute made from human newborn foreskin).  Hopefully the insurance company will approve it soon.

It is interesting that the focus so far has been on keeping the infection at bay and taking care of my open wound.  We really have not talked at all about the bone itself.  When I mentioned it yesterday, Dr. Carbonell kind of smiled—like—we are not ready to go there yet.  The nurse even said that my body is producing the fluid in the ankle area (that is sucked out by the VAC) because it is trying to fill in the areas that would normally be filled with bone.  That one was new to me.  Made me think that I should go out to the front yard and look for those pieces of bone that got left behind. 

I can see that once the external fixator is taken off and x-rays are taken, a whole new chapter to this story is going to begin. 

I feel encouraged that I seem more human-like lately.  When I am not sleeping (I sleep about 15 hours a day), I feel like myself—a non-mobile version of myself—but still myself.  That is good.

My friend, Natalie, drove me to my appointments yesterday and managed to meet someone she knew at each office.  She even ran into a close relative at my wound care center.  My foot is bringing people together. Who knew?

Love to you all!

Anne (and my foot)

Monday, February 23, 2009

Hello!  My Mom has been taking care of me over the last few weeks—coming by to feed me lunch, drive me to appointments, take care of my kids, provide me with Gatorade when I look like I am about to pass out, and give me good ol’ motherly love. 

Well, she has left me.  Left to go to California and Chicago for two weeks. 

So, I am now spending my days alone.  All alone.  With no one to care for me. No one to pick me up off the bathroom floor when I have tripped over my VAC tube.  No one to spoonfeed my DanActive drink into my trembling lips.  No one to help me wrestle my underwear up over my external fixator. 

But I will make it.  I will.

And all kidding aside—I hated it today when I knew that I would not hear the sound of her coming through the door and calling out, “It’s me, Annie!”  There has been something so wonderful about needing my Mom again—like I did when I was little.  She is an amazing woman who has been so willing to drop everything for her daughter.  And although she may regret raising me to be the independent type of girl who would decide to climb up a tall ladder without help, she loves me—lame foot and all.

Enjoy your break, Mom. 

Love, Anne

P.S.  I got a handmade card in the mail today that said, “She had a great fall . . . and love came tumbling after.”  I am feeling the love from all of you.  Thank you so much.  --Anne 

Saturday, February 21, 2009

It was five weeks ago today that I fell from the ladder.  I don’t mean for it to feel like an anniversary or anything but I can see how the five-week mark is messing with my head today.  It seems like five weeks has been enough. 

Doesn’t it seem long enough?  Doesn’t it seem like I should have a little more energy, or need to sleep a little less, or be a little more “Anne”-like?  How is it that I am NOT going stir-crazy?  Everyone keeps saying, “Are you bored out of your mind?  Are you dying to get up and get going??” 

The simple (and surprising) answer is, “No.”  The basic act of getting up ten times in one day to go to the bathroom is about all the physical activity I can handle right now.  I get exhausted just having a two-minute conversation on the phone.  And yet there is a part of me that is feeling guilty that I am not ready to do more.  Don’t you always hear that the best thing someone can do is to get up and get going again? 

On Friday, I went to my Mom’s to take a shower, got my haircut, and had a very low-key visit (on our couch) with a dear friend of ours from Alaska. It didn’t seem like I had done anything major—I took two-hour naps in between each of those activities.  But I could tell that just taking the shower was about as much as I (or my ankle) could handle for that day. 

By the end of the day, my ankle felt weird and was very swollen.  Part of me felt very guilty that I had pushed my body too hard.  But the other part of me thought, “You have got to be kidding me!  I can’t even do that without my body freaking out??”  Yes—I guess that is the case.  My body is telling me that I still need to rest.  And I have a feeling that in another five weeks, I will still need a lot of rest.

So yea—It has been a long time. Elise told us that she sometimes wishes that she could get in a time machine and go back to the morning that I fell.  She says that she would go back to tell me NOT to get up on the ladder.  Annika says that she just wants all of it to just “go away.”

But it happened.  And for now we have to be thankful that we have each other, that my body is healing, that we are keeping infection at bay, that we are loved, that we are alive, and that we have a God that is looking out for us all the time (even when it seems a little slow).  Once again, I feel incredibly blessed that—although today is bugging me a bit—I am ready to allow myself the time to heal.  I do not feel like I am climbing the walls, I am not bored—God has allowed me to accept this as my reality and trust in His wisdom. 

God is in control, so I am just going to CHILL.

 

Friday, February 20, 2009

I . . . HAVE . . . SHOWERED!!!!!!!

Thursday, February 19, 2009

Well, folks—It may not be pretty, but I am going to get through it.  That’s all I have to say.

Dr. Jacobsen told me that we have run out of options for antibiotics so I have to stay on the one I am on now.  He wants me to take the Benadryl to try to control the itchy/swelling side effects, and take Advil to ease the fever and achiness.  We are all hoping that I can manage to just get through the next three weeks on it and then I will be “out of the woods.”  He is going to have my blood tested twice a week to make sure that my white blood cell count doesn’t go seriously low again.  If it does, he will have no choice than to take me off of it early.  That is a little scary--especially because the wound is wide open with exposed hardware right now. 

Because of this, Dr. Carbonell is really trying to get the insurance company to approve covering my wound with dermagraft.  He thinks this will work much better than if he were to cover the wound with my own skin.  From what I can tell, dermagraft is a “skin substitute” that stimulates your own skin cells to multiply and heal around the wound.  If I am taken off the antibiotic a little early—at least the wound is covered. 

On a more personal note—Elise was my night nurse last night.  She has been afraid to stay by me at night because she is afraid that she will kick me.  She never kicked me—just kept me nice and warm. 

Love to you all!!!

Anne

Wednesday, February 18, 2009

Mom and I took my foot out for another field trip today to the Vascular and Spine Institute (we even used the handicapped sticker for the first time!). 

After waiting for a looonnnggg time in the waiting room (hence, the name), I was brought into an operating room to have a PICC line put in my arm. A PICC is a long, flexible tube that is put into a vein in your arm and threaded up into a large vein just above your heart (see the diagram). It can stay in your arm for up to a year and does not have to be changed.  

Right now I give myself antibiotics through the PICC line every 8 hours.  The antibiotic is placed in a pressurized ball that slowly releases the antibiotic over a half hour (the pictures show one that is full and one that is empty).  I don’t need a nurse to come and do it and I don’t need one of those IV stands that you typically think of when you hear about IVs.

Dr. Jacobson took me off my old antibiotic because it caused my white blood cell count to go really low.  Now, on the new antibiotic, I have been noticing that my hands will itch really badly and swell.  Today my lips even started swelling (very Angelina Jolie-ish).  I won’t be surprised if they pull me off of this antibiotic and put me on yet another one!  Have to keep going with the flow . . .

I am getting a little excited because I see that my countdown to my weekly shower is getting very close!!!

Love to you!

Anne

Tuesday, February 17, 2009

Tuesday means that I wake up, eat, take antibiotics, sleep, eat, and then go to the Jackson Wound Center to see Dr. Carbonell.  I am telling you, when that man walks in the room, the clouds part, the sun starts shining, and everything starts making perfect sense. 

He loves the look of my wound and wants to do a skin graft on it soon.  He expects that my insurance company is going to fight it so he wants me to start working the phones tomorrow to get an approval moving along. 

He also thinks that he will be able to remove the external fixator in a month or two.  This will require an outpatient surgery for them to get the pins out.  I am telling you, at first I was not wild about my amazingly humongous piece of footwear but I have really worked it into my personal style.  I think I will miss stretching my underwear and pants beyond the limits of man-made fibers when it is gone.  Ha ha.

When he removes the fixator, he is also going to remove one of the plates that they screwed into my bones during the second surgery.  I didn’t really get it all at the time but now I understand.  You see, in order to reach the talus (the bone that I reeeeeaaaaalllllllyyy destroyed), he had to get around the fibula (look on the left side of the bone diagram).  So, he simply cut the fibula bone away, did his magical work on the talus, and then put the fibula back in place using a metal plate (see it on the x-ray?).  If my wound had just healed without getting infected, the plate would have stayed in there forever.  However, because it got so infected and they had to cut away all of the external skin, that plate has been exposed for the last month.  In the mean time, the fibula has actually healed and doesn’t need to be held together by the plate anymore so he is just going to remove it!  One less thing to set off the metal detectors.

Every day brings another baby step towards “normal.”  Today I felt strong enough to go and sit out on the driveway while the girls played with our dear neighbor boys, Kory and Nick.  My little nurses set up chairs for me, brought out plenty of food and Gatorade, and then carefully “walked” me to the driveway.  It was great. 

Annika so needs to be comforted sometimes with absolute knowns: No—I am not going back to the hospital.  Yes—I will walk again.  No—the wound is not going to get infected.  Yes—I will be able to go to your chili cook-off next Thursday.  However, she and I both know that I cannot promise any of these things.  So it was just nice to escape these sad unknowns and just feel “normal” for a bit. 

Love to all--Anne 

Friday-Monday, February 13-16, 2009

Long story short . . . time and detective work have revealed some new truths.  The PIC line was, in fact, NOT infected.  So, I no longer need to take the Cubicin antibiotic.  They are glad about all this because it means that there was no new bacteria introduced into my bloodstream.  I will go in on Wednesday to have a new PIC placed in my arm so I don't have to use these temporary IV lines.

I had a blood drawn today to see if my white blood cell count is higher.  Judging by the fact that my fever/body aches have decreased, I really think it will be much better this time around.  In the end, I think the change in antibiotics (from Zosyn to Primaxin) has made the difference.  Unless there are any major developments, I will continue to take the Primaxin for another couple months to keep the ankle site clear of infection.

Although I still have very frequent "crashes," where I suddenly get very weak, clammy, and faint--most agree that I just need to eat plenty of good food, get lots of rest, and have Gatorade or apple juice nearby for a quick boost.

I decided to include some pictures from our weekend together.

These show . . .

- Me all wrapped up to take my first shower in 11 days!!!

- Doug and Mom (my caretakers) reading my blog about how much I appreciate

 my caretakers!!! :)

- Me waiting for Doug to get the car outside Dr. Jacobsen's office.

- Elise and me opening up all of the wonderful "Get Well" cards that we have received from all 

of our wonderful friends and family!!!

- We tried to have a family movie night where Dad did not fall asleep during the first 3 minutes of the movie . . .  Not only did he fall asleep but so did the dog.

- Elise gave me a fantastic leg and foot massage while watching Arthur.

- Annika has been sleeping with me every night because she is a great nurse AND she doesn't wake up when I hobble (loudly) to the bathroom a million times throughout the night.  Elise wanted to try out being a night nurse, too, so she decided to sleep on the floor (she was worried that she might kick me in her sleep).